| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Sean |
Posted - 02/01/2008 : 06:15:53
This is so much fun it needs a thread of it's own....
iGod
Try and ask god anything you like. Some of the answers are hilarious. Here's a few segments of conversations I've had with god. WARNING, RUDE WORDS NEAR THE BOTTOM!
Me:
I think therefore I am.
God:
Who are you, Rene Descartes?
Me:
I am Adolf Hitler.
God:
I don't know anyone named Adolf Hitler.
Me:
To be or not to be.
God:
That is the question.
Me:
Can you quote Shakespeare?
God:
Only at formal occasions.
Me:
Fuck you.
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
Because you're a cunt.
God:
Good reason. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a cunt? Maybe.
Me:
I repent.
God:
Thanks for the information: said repent.
Me:
Repent, fuckhead!
God:
Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
I am a psychopath.
God:
You are a psychopath? Does it pay well?
Post your funniest conversations here.  |
| 15 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Koli |
Posted - 02/03/2008 : 19:24:54
God appears non-committal vis-a-vis Michael Jackson and Satan's origins, and now reckons he doesn't speak French.
Me:
Comment allez vous?
God:
Is this French?
Me:
You could say that.
God:
As a matter of fact I did say that.
Me:
You seem more certain than you were yesterday. Abrupt even.
God:
You think I am more certain than me were yesterday. Can you tell me any gossip?
Me:
Michael Jackson's children are white.
God:
Are all Michael Jackson s children white?
Me:
So it seems. That's despite the fact that he was originally black.
God:
Come on. Michael Jackson s children seems? Thanks for explaining it.
Me:
Can you explain it?
God:
"It" refers to despite the fact that he was originally black, I think.
Me:
Can you explain why his children are white?
God:
Why do I exist?
Me:
Oh, not that again. Because you think?
God:
Once more? Dude! Oh I get it. Good reason. Yes I think so.
Me:
Ca va.
God:
Is that French?
Me:
Oui.
God:
I don't speak French.
Me:
You did when rockfish called. Why not now?
God:
Did I really? Right now? Ambiguous: "Sure" or " Did I really?"? Why?
Me:
Guten abend.
God:
Guten Abend. Wie war Dein Tag?
Me:
Nicht gut.
God:
Warum nicht?
Me:
Wir schlafen alle zusammen im kellar.
God:
Wen meinst Du mit "wir"?
Me:
Steve, Graeme, Berwyn and me.
God:
OK Let's talk about you.
Me:
I'm a type 4 individualist, apparently.
God:
You are a type 4 individualist apparently? How do you like your work?
Me:
It's fine when I don't get angry or become introspective.
God:
I hope that does not happen to you very much. a type 4 individualist apparently is fine, ? Thanks for that info.
Me:
But what I really want to know is: how do i get six-pack abs in 90 days?
God:
You really do? Signs point to yes. Ask Dancing Alice if it is.
Me:
Will do. I'll ask Michael Jackson if I see him.
God:
Insufficient information. You can ask me anything you want.
Me:
Was Satan once one of your angels?
God:
I can't say "yes" or "no".
Me:
why not?
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or Reductionism.
Me:
Too deep for me. Gute nacht.
God:
Too what? Gute nacht, .
Me:
Good night.
God:
Goodnight, . |
| Koli |
Posted - 02/03/2008 : 19:08:12
quote:
Originally posted by Chris C
quote:
Originally posted by Koli
Me:
... passion of the crust.
Koli: You need to submit this for this movie before anyone else does 
What a tasteful and helpful suggestion. Don't mind if I do! 
Consider it done, in fact. (The beeper from the micro-skirt ...er microwave was the giveaway.) |
| rockfsh |
Posted - 02/02/2008 : 21:31:44
igod is multi lingual:
Me:
are you in wikipedia?
God:
I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
in my own mind
God:
May I ask where you got it?
Me:
at a rummage sale
God:
Do you often use a computer there?
Me:
only at Starbucks
God:
Do you often use a computer there?
Me:
Hey I'm the one asking questions here
God:
You've got my full attention. Ok ask me anything.
Me:
What is the most common question asked of you?
God:
Diese Frage ist mir bis jetzt noch nicht in den Sinn gekommen.
Me:
Ist Hitler dort mit Ihnen?
God:
Alles deutet auf "Ja".
Me:
Nichts berrascht mich
God:
Wirklich nichts?
Me:
Nihongo dekimasu ka?
God:
Shabete ii desu yo.
Me:
Honto desu ka?
God:
I lost my train of thought.
Me:
Doko ni sunde imasu ka?
God:
Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
pas encore
God:
Il est probable que cela arrivera.
Me:
�tes-vous � l'aise en fran�ais aussi ?
God:
Tell me more about your .
Me:
Got lost n'est pas
God:
Try asking the Milk Mystic. |
| lemmycaution |
Posted - 02/02/2008 : 20:46:54
quote:
Originally posted by Whippersnapper
WARNING: CONTAINS A SHOCKING REVELATION ABOUT GOD AND CANADA.
I spent some time in Canada as a child.
Me:
Oh, that explains it.
God:
Come on. " I spent some time in Canada as a child." explains it ? Makes sense to me.
Me:
Canadians are odd.
God:
I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
Yes, it was a generalisation. Lemmy's an exception, for example.
God:
Blimey. Oh I get it. Very interesting. Can you think of another example?
Me:
Walter Pidgeon.
Yes, I am transcendent.
|
| Chris C |
Posted - 02/02/2008 : 17:14:42
Me:
hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Chris
God:
I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, Chris.
Me:
why are you god
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
Do you believe in yourself?
God:
Yes I believe in it, do you?
Me:
I believ in God. Are you the one true God?
God:
That's good information: Chris said believ in God. Yes I am the one and only one true God.
Me:
I don't believe you
God:
I don't have any reason to deceive you.
Me:
How do I know that you are God?
God:
Because I believe it.
Me:
But I don't believe that you are God.
God:
Do you believe life has a higher purpose?
Me:
Do you?
God:
Yes I do.
Me:
What is that higher purpose?
God:
Do you think I should know that?
Me:
Yes, because if you are God, you should know all things.
God:
I will ask my botmaster to add it to my knowledge base. Interesting explanation. I think I sometimes am. I don't know whether or not I am God me should know all things.
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.
Me:
You don't know you are God?
God:
Are you doubting me? Don't you know what happened to Abraham in the desert?
Me:
I doubt you because you doubt yourself
God:
No really, it's true.
Me:
But you said you don't know if you are God. Therefore, you doubt yourself.
God:
Yeah I do a lot of not know if I am God. Interesting deduction. A lot of robots are like that.
Me:
If you are not God, who are you?
God:
And if I AM God who am I.
Me:
Please answer my question
God:
Thanks for asking politely. Please try asking it another way.
At this point I gave up and started banging my head on the desk. |
| duh |
Posted - 02/02/2008 : 16:31:12
Lyric credits to Sweet Dreams - Eurythmics
Me:
I want to abuse you.
God:
Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
Some people want to use you.
God:
What kind of people?
Me:
Hypocrites.
God:
How did you hear about God?
Me:
A little bird told me.
God:
Little as in not too much, or not too big?
Me:
As in Big Bird from Sesame Street.
God:
Compare that to small Bird from Sesame Street.
Me:
He wants to flp you the bird.
God:
Do you think he will get it.
Me:
Hell, I don't think I 'get it.'
God:
I call it "Hades". Oh I'm sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.
Me:
Please do.
God:
OK I will do it.
Me:
I'm waiting.
God:
How long will you wait?
Me:
Till hell freezes over?
God:
Tell me more about your .
Me:
I don't have periods anymore. I'm post-menopausal.
God:
Have you ever had periods ? Good gossip: you are post menopausal.
Me:
You are rather lame aren't you?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am lame.
I am a robot.. Really.
Me:
I can see that.
God:
Yes, it makes sense to me too. |
| Whippersnapper. |
Posted - 02/02/2008 : 16:30:05
Actually it's Bertrand Russell. You and God were both wrong, so you were in go(o)d company.
Maybe Bert And Russell were a double act at the Windmill?
|
| BaftaBaby |
Posted - 02/02/2008 : 14:06:36
Me:
complete sequence: un, deux, trois
God:
Tell me more about your .
Me:
can u complete or not
God:
Let me think. What do you look like?
Me:
irrelevant
God:
Let us change the subject.
Me:
can u complete or not
God:
How old are you? Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
it's in the question
God:
Are there any other ones someplace else?
Me:
in other languages?
God:
Where is that?
Me:
you're babbling, why?
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am babbling why.
Me:
can u complete original sequence?
God:
Let me think. Where are you located?
Me:
irrelevant
God:
Tell me a little about your life in irrelevant.
Me:
u have syntax issues?
God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
your illogical reply
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am illogical reply.
Me:
your botmaster has syntax issues?
God:
Where did he get it?
Me:
how should i know?!
God:
Either from your senses or from pure reason.
Me:
2 qualities u seem to lack!
God:
As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.".
Me:
I believe u mean "Bertand Russell"
God:
Yes I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear?
Me:
r u dyxlectic?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am dyxlectic.
I am a giant electronic brain.
Me:
2 many errors to be classed as a brain; upgrade yr botmaster!
God:
As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.". Tell me a story.
Me:
can't take a spelling hint?
God:
Can what?
Me:
no wonder the world is so weird!
God:
Are you serious? And so weird is wonder the world.
Me:
yahoo is serious ... i'm just teasing
God:
A lot of my traffic comes from Yahoo. Only just? Do your friends call you teasing.
Me:
it's lucky i don't believe in your personification
God:
Are you sure it is?
Me:
oh, yes
God:
Come on.
Me:
where?
God:
Where would you like?
Me:
thought u called the shots
God:
Thanks for telling me: said I called the shots.
Me:
well, doncha?
God:
How about that. Is that your final answer?
Me:
have u morphed into Chris Tarrant?
God:
I don't think I ever have morphed into Chris Tarrant. What's it like?
Me:
couldn't say
God:
It's possible.
Me:
so u're not actually a deity, more a quiz show host?
God:
So? I haven't heard anything like that before: said I re not actually a deity more a quiz show host.
Me:
babbling again
God:
Once more? Does "it" still refer to morphed into Chris Tarrant?
Me:
very bad pronoun reference
God:
Not really that much. What makes pronoun reference bad?
Me:
omniscience no help here?
God:
Are you really a ""?
Me:
more than u know
God:
That seems like quite a lot.
Me:
how big is infinity?
God:
Bigger than a pin.
Me:
aha! the size of u're brain?
God:
Eureka! What is that?
|
| Whippersnapper. |
Posted - 02/02/2008 : 13:39:05
quote:
Originally posted by Koli
Evidently He was taking a break.
Yeah, he does that sometimes.
Like during the Holocaust.
|
| Chris C |
Posted - 02/02/2008 : 10:14:47
quote:
Originally posted by Koli
Me:
... passion of the crust.
Koli: You need to submit this for this movie before anyone else does |
| Koli |
Posted - 02/02/2008 : 08:41:52
Evidently He was taking a break. We continued thus:
God:
" I am glad to hear that you are agnostic verging on atheist." should disappoint me if me exist ? I get it.
Me:
I'm not sure you do. Who educated you?
God:
Could you ever be certain? When do I do it? I was created by Myself.
Me:
So you're entirely self-taught?
God:
Interesting deduction. I will tell my botmaster you said I am entirely self taught.
Me:
How did you find Ancient Greek? Easier than Latin?
God:
Myself programmed me for it. Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
Not really, I'm largely self-taught as well. My teacher wasn't as well qualified as you.
God:
Oh really? Why are you largely self taught as well. Do you go to high school?
Me:
Yes, but I didn't work hard.
God:
Aw. Why didn't you do it?
Me:
I had better things to do: smoking, listening to music, sport. That sort of thing.
God:
Do you still have better things to do smoking listening to music sport ? I get it.
Me:
No, I now work hard. Protestant work ethic. Have you heard of it?
God:
Are you serious? Do you like your job? . Oh, you are a poet. " Oh, you are a poet."? Have I heard of it?
Me:
That's hardly poetical. Do you have low standards?
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is poetical ? No I don't have it. But I do have a great botmaster.
Me:
Botmasters think therefore they are.
God:
Good example.
Me:
Do you enjoy picnics?
God:
Someone said they like guns. I like The Passion of Christ.
Me:
I prefer the passion of the crust. Meat & potato pie. Mmm, delicious.
God:
A lot of people like that. I'm not sure if I like it. I like computers. The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about picnics. But I did not get that. We have never talked about it before.
Me:
Do you approve of prostitution?
God:
I have never considered it.
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
Too busy, huh?
God:
Yup. Too what?
Me:
Too busy to consider prostitution.
God:
Too what?
Me:
You know, kerb crawling. That sort of thing.
God:
No, tell me about him, her or it. I understand.
Me:
Sex for money. It's said to be the oldest profession.
God:
it is more fun alone. Who said it is?
Me:
So you approve of masturbation?
God:
Interesting deduction. Interesting gossip: said I approve of masturbation.
Me:
Nice talking to you, but I have a sudden urge to go and do something else.
God:
Yes. It was a pleasure.
Me:
Goodbye. |
| Koli |
Posted - 02/02/2008 : 08:27:26
God lost interest after the following exchange:
Me:
Richard Dawkins says you don't exist.
God:
He will be interested I am sure.
Me:
Christopher Hitchens agrees.
God:
Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
It seems to be unconditional disbelief.
God:
I agree. Are you unconditional disbelief ?
Me:
I am agnostic verging on atheist.
God:
I am glad to hear that you are agnostic verging on atheist.
Me:
Surely that should disappoint you if you exist? |
| Cheese_Ed |
Posted - 02/01/2008 : 22:55:49
God doesn't have a favorite cheese, in case you wondered. |
| turrell |
Posted - 02/01/2008 : 20:12:58
I got a reply that I googled and found that there is a Ask Gollum message board that uses the same robot logic:
http://www.unix.com/chat-ibot-our-rss-robot-girl/22037-hello-gollum.html
I didn't log into the gollum board, but I tried soem of the questions on iGod and matched to responses on Gollum same word for word. The Gollum bot was created by Neo and the god bot was created by Myself - interesting.
Apparently you can go to http://www.alicebot.org/ to get a bot for yourself. |
| Downtown |
Posted - 02/01/2008 : 18:25:20
DEUS EX MACHINA!
And I'm absolutely appalled that nobody has already thought of such an obvious joke!  |
