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Koli 
"Striving lackadaisically for perfection."
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 Posted - 12/23/2007 : 13:17:13
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Has anyone got a transcript of Hoffnung's monologue about the injured bricklayer? It was part of a recording of a speech he gave at the Oxford Union in 1958. (I did transcribe it by hand many years ago but cannot find the piece of paper.  )
I've found a copy of a song based on the story, credited to Pat Cooksey, but I'm after the original.
If you haven't come across Hoffnung, do try to find a recording of the Oxford Union 'speech'. It's a classic. |
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BaftaBaby 
"Always entranced by cinema."
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Posted - 12/23/2007 : 15:39:50
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Is this what you had in mind?
THE BRICKLAYER'S STORY
by Gerard Hoffnung (from his Oxford Union speech)
I've got this thing here that I must read to you.
Now, this is a very tragic thing... I shouldn't, really, read it out.
A striking lesson in keeping the upper lip stiff is given in a recent
number of the weekly bulletin of 'The Federation of Civil Engineering
Contractors' that prints the following letter from a bricklayer in Golders Green to the firm for whom he works.
Respected sir,
When I got to the top of the building, I found that the hurricane had
knocked down some bricks off the top. So I rigged up a beam, with a
pulley, at the top of the building and hoisted up a couple of barrels of bricks.
When I had fixed the building, there was a lot of bricks left over.
I hoisted the barrel back up again and secured the line at the bottom and then went up and filled the barrel with the extra bricks.
Then, I went to the bottom and cast off the rope.
Unfortunately, the barrel of bricks was heavier than I was and before I knew what was happening, the barrel started down, jerking me off the ground.
I decided to hang on!
Halfway up, I met the barrel coming down... and received a severe blow on the shoulder. I then continued to the top, banging my head against the beam and getting my fingers jammed in the pulley!
When the barrel hit the ground, it burst its bottom... allowing all the bricks to spill out. I was now heavier than the barrel and so started down again at high speed!
Halfway down... I met the barrel coming up and received severe injury to my shins! When I hit the ground... I landed on the bricks, getting several painful cuts from the sharp edges!
At this point... I must have lost my presence of mind... because I let go of the line! The barrel then came down... giving me a very heavy blow and putting me in hospital!
I respectfully request 'sick leave'.
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MguyX 
"X marks the spot"
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Posted - 12/23/2007 : 21:08:58
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P.S. BTW, the story itself is unlikely to be true. There is a U.S. show called "Mythbusters" that features two special effects veterans who put fabled stories and urban legends to the test.
Last year they put this "barrel-of-bricks" story to the test and demonstrated that the story very likely is not true. The physics of the bricks and the compression against the wood panels and metal bands made a rupture impossible. You can see the episode (for a fee) right here.
But it makes for a funny Laurel & Hardy type movie gag.  |
Edited by - MguyX on 12/23/2007 21:24:05 |
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Conan The Westy
"Father, Faithful Friend, Fwiffer"
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Posted - 12/24/2007 : 09:58:33
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| Or just watch Babe: Pig in the City for a homage. |
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Koli
"Striving lackadaisically for perfection."
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Posted - 12/24/2007 : 09:58:52
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Thanks very much BB. That's amazing. My task is to perform the story at a bit of a do this Friday evening. I thought I was going to have to recite the Pat Cooksey version (which I thought was much shorter than the monologue, but it's probably my memory playing tricks), reproduced below:
Dear Sir I write this note to you, to tell you of me plight.
For at this time of writing, I am not a pretty sight.
Me body is all black and blue, me face a deathly grey.
So I write this note to say, why Paddy's not at work today.
While working on the 14th floor, some bricks I had to clear
Now to throw them down from such a height was not a good idea
The Foreman wasn't very pleased, he being an awkward sod
He said I'd have to cart em down the ladder in me hod.
Now clearing all these bricks by hand, it was so very slow
So I hoisted up a barrow (Barrel), and secured the rope below
But in me haste to do the job, I was too blind to see,
That a barrow full of building bricks, was heavier than me
So, when I untied the rope, the barrow fell like lead
and clinging tightly to the rope, I started up instead
Well I shot up like a rocket, till to my dismay I found, that
Half-way up I met the bloody barrow coming down
Well the barrow broke me shoulder, as to the ground it sped
and when I reached the top I banged the pulley with me head.
Well I clung on tight thoug numb with shock from this almighty blow
and the barrow spilled out half the bricks some fourteen floors below
Now when these bricks had fallen from the barrow to the floor,
I then out-weighed the barrow, and so started down once more.
Still clinging tightly to the rope, I sped towards the ground
and landed on the broken bricks, that were scattered all around
Well I lay there groaning on the ground, I thought I'd past the worst
When the barrow hit the pulley wheel, and then the bottom burst.
Wll a shower of bricks rained down on me, I hadn't got a hope
as I lay there groaning on the ground, I let go the bloody rope
The barrow then being heavier, it started down once more,
and landed right across me as I lay upon the floor.
I broke three ribs and my right arm, and I can only say
that I hope you'll understand why Paddy's not at work today.
Pat Cooksey says he wrote this song under its original title Paddy and the Barrell in 1969, and first performed it in The Dyers Arms in Coventry at that time. Then in 1972 Sean Cannon, later a member of the Dubliners, began to perform it in the folk clubs under the title The Sick Note. The song was based on Gerard Hoffnung's wonderful address to the Oxford Union, but the story in a more simple form dates back to the English music halls in the 1920s and appeared in the Readers Digest in 1937. Hence it appears MGuyX is right in saying that it isn't based on real events, though Hoffnung is quoted as saying that it was based on a news story. Unfortunately he's no longer around to answer questions about it.
If I'm permitted to do the Hoffnung version (it's supposed to be a poetry evening but I'm hoping for a bit of licence), I shall attempt to do it using his voice. It drives my wife wild (not in a good way) but others may appreciate it. 
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MguyX
"X marks the spot"
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Posted - 12/24/2007 : 16:58:11
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Thanks for the history, Koli! 
Alas, it appears our fabled injured worker was ... goldbricking?  |
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Koli
"Striving lackadaisically for perfection."
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Posted - 12/29/2007 : 22:31:55
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| Thanks again for finding the words, BB. I duly delivered my monologue and it seemed to be well received (though they might have just been polite). |
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BaftaBaby
"Always entranced by cinema."
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Posted - 12/30/2007 : 00:03:57
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quote:
Originally posted by Koli
Thanks again for finding the words, BB. I duly delivered my monologue and it seemed to be well received (though they might have just been polite).
My pleasure, Koli! Am so pleased it went well -- I'm sure you're a natural! 
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Gerrard Hoffnung
